i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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