You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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