There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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