The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
