clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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