I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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