you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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