I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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