theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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