I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
