Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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