No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Non-Jews are for practice
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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