dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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