Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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