And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
