there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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