Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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