How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
