I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize