Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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