How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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