just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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