non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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