Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
