Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
