He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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