i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
