Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
