he thought i was a dude.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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