Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
