i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize