On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
