i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
