How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
