sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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