hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
