I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
