Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
