so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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