quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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