i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
