if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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