No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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