im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
