Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
