Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
