I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
