im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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