please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
