you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
