We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize