This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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