u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
