What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
