I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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