it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The power of my boobs compel you
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
