We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
