Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
farters have to be the big spoon...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
