the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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