I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
