WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
