so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
