I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
