I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His nipple licking is glorious
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