someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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