It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
