i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
