honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize