The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
