not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
