Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize